Zombies of Mass Destruction (2009)

Frida Abbas (Janette Armand) has just returned from Princeton to the small island town of Port Gamble to work in her father's restaurant while she decides what to do with her life.  High school teacher Cheryl Banks (Cornelia Moore) has decided to run against popular mayor Hal E. Burton (James Mesher).  Wall Street banker Tom (Doug Fahl) has returned to visit his mother - with his new boyfriend Lance (Cooper Hopkins) in tow.  Just the right time for a zombie outbreak to occur.

It begins with a blind man finding a reanimated corpse on the beach and being attacked.  Soon more and more of the town is bitten and turns until the prerequisite horde begins to overwhelm the citizens.  No one knows where it came from, but authorities lay the blame at the feet of notorious terrorist Mohammed Mustafa (Kevin Hamedani).

This doesn't bode well for Frida, as she is of Iranian descent (although most of the people in town can't tell the difference between Iraq and Iran).  She has a tough time of it normally because she was born in the United States, but her father Ali (Ali Hamedani) is very much old school when it comes to his views.  With zombies popping up and being blamed on terrorism, her would-be saviors in the Millers, her next-door neighbors, quickly turn against her.  Joe Miller (Russell Hodgkinson) in particular decides to tie her up and subject her to tests to make sure she is sufficiently American, while his wife slowly turns into a zombie and his son tries to decide between doing what's right and loyalty to his family.

Meanwhile, Tom's coming-out doesn't go so well, as that's also the time his mother zombifies.  Tom and Lance flee and ultimately end up in the church of Reverend Haggis (Bill Johns), where the mayor and Miss Banks continue their political back and forth as others decide what to do about the zombies.  Upon finding out Tom and Lance are gay, some parishioners want to throw them out, but the Reverend Haggis has pity on them - and gets the conversion chair to make them straight.

In the end, the diverse groups come together in an attempt to survive as it appears that the military may just have arrived in time to take care of things.

Through most of this movie I had my review largely written.  There are some absolutely off-the-wall hilarious parts to this movie, but too much of the humor is ham-handedly making conservatives look like buffoons.  As much as the left claims they are open-minded and inclusive, it is amazing just how ignorant they are of the majority of conservatives.  I understand that much of this is hyperbole (I don't think liberals really believe that churches have chairs designed to convert homosexuals), but it does get tiresome hearing the same stereotypes bandied about all the time.  Most conservatives I know are like me: atheist to agnostic, think the government has no say either way in who gets married as long as they're over 18 and are no more racist than your average person (which unfortunately is still way too racist, but - humans).

That said, after almost 90 minutes of being hit over the head with the progressive agenda, it was a bit of fresh air when the liberal Mrs. Banks becomes even more hard line in some ways than her conservative predecessor.  A bit more of that type of balance would have gone a long way to making the movie more enjoyable and less preachy.

On the good side, the gore effects are well done and when the jokes verge into the ridiculous they do work and it gives a glimpse into what the movie could have been.  Instead, along with the abrupt ending, it is merely a rote zombie film with a tired agenda.

By the way, I typically hate bringing up my politics in reviews, but since that was largely the point of this movie, I felt I had to.  It did affect my enjoyment of the film.  I know that many reading this will feel differently.

Zombies of Mass Destruction (2009)
Time: 89 minutes
Starring; Janette Armand, Doug Fahl, Cooper Hopkins
Director: Kevin Hamedani


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