7 Guardians of the Tomb (2018)

Just looking at the poster is enough to prepare one for this movie.  The font is the same as Guardians of the Galaxy, so there was an obvious attempt at tricking nearsighted grandmas or someone not paying attention into purchasing this film instead of what they intended.  This is the type of title that shows up in the DVD bin at Family Dollar. 

7 Guardians of the Tomb is a sub-par adventure movie with killer spiders to add a horror element.  There are also character actors thrust into lead positions just to have American and Australian actors in a movie that, despite the attempt at being a mockbuster, was made for a Chinese market, both in mainland and for ex-pats.  It's got the same bland storytelling, corny jokes and emphasis on digital effects and spectacle as any film starring the Rock, meaning that it is something one can watch and follow the basic plot without having to pay attention to the subtitles.  

Jia (Bingbing Lee) and Luke (Chun Wu) are the children of the founders of an international biotech firm now run by their parents' business partner Mason (Kelsey Grammer).  Luke has been lost while on expedition to the Gobi Desert, so Mason and Jia hire Jack Ridley (Kellan Lutz), a search and rescue expert, to help find them.  Along for the ride is radio operator Milly (Stef Dawson), driver Gary (Shane Jacobson) and archaeologist Chen (Jason Chong).

While searching they are forced to take shelter in a home from a violent dust storm.  In the home they find one survivor, Yin (Eva Liu), whose family appears to have been killed by funnelweb spiders.  Problem is, the spiders only exist in Australia.  Mason, however, seems to have brought an antivenon, and knows more than he lets on.  It turns out what Luke was looking for was the tomb of an emperor (Warren Lee) who had his sorcerer Wu Fu (Lawrence Mah) create a serum to prolong life in 200 BCE, a serum that Mason intends to market if the spiders that fill the tomb don't prevent their escape. 

For those wondering where the "7" comes from, since the American title makes it sound like a Shah Brothers movie, there are no seven guardians.  The original title was simply Guardians of the Tomb, thus making sense as the spiders, intentional or not, are said guardians.  As with many movies that rip off the Indiana Jones formular it features quite a bit of 2200-year-old technology that hasn't rusted or decomposed and still works as intended.  The only thing interesting is the spiders who, trapped within the tomb for all that time, have evolved rudimentary communication and a penchant for hunting in packs. 

The effects aren't horrible, although the spiders at times are smudgy pixels.  Perhaps the best part is the sandstorm despite how silly it is.  Some sort of explanation is given that it is exacerbated by coal mining, as the thing is nastier than the storm in Mad Max: Fury Road, which along with The Mummy seems to have inspired the scene.  There is not a lot of plot to get in the way so the movie never goes off the rails, which is unfortunate since it would have been better if it did go into some nasty exploitation directions at some point. 

The acting is what can be expected.  The lines are trite and delivered with little to no feeling.  Kelsey Grammer is given little to do as the villain, though he is at least trying to earn his paycheck.  Director Kimble Rendall does little to bring any excitement, with no interesting angles or camera movement to make the movie stand out.  Bingbing Li produced it, so it seems like an obvious attempt to further her career as a lead actress more than anything else. 

7 Guardians of the Tomb (2018)

Time: 97 minutes

Starring: Bingbing Li, Kellan Lutz, Kelsey Grammer, Chun Wu

Director: Kimble Rendall