Cemetery Man (1994)

Imagine me sitting in an empty cinema in Scottsdale in 1994.  I figure that Cemetery Man is probably the safer bet than Spanking the Monkey, largely because I don't have to say Spanking the Monkey out loud to a stranger and I figure if I'm going to watch a movie about incest it would probably be better to wait for video.  All I know about Cemetery Man is that there are zombies involved, and I'm game.  Dawn of the Dead is one of my favorite films, and I love horror, having seen quite a bit of mainstream and slightly off-kilter American horror.  I also like a bit of comedy with my horror, being a fan of Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson.  Also, this movie promises some nudity.

However, I have no idea who Michele Soavi is.  It will be almost two decades before I see The Church.  In fact, at this point, I really have not seen a full Dario Argento or Mario Bava film.  I pretty much have no idea what Italian horror is like.  I don't even know going in that this is Italian.  I'm just expecting a funny splatter movie.

It should not be surprising that I hated it.  The movie was all over the place, the hero was a let-down and I didn't get the comedy.  The only things that stood out were on Anna Falchi, and even then I didn't really think it was worth sitting through a bad movie just to see a pair of boobs.  The few other people that I knew, also horror fans, agreed with me.  Not a good movie, move on.  

Imagine my surprise when, much later, Cemetery Man, also known as Dellamorte Dellamore, became a bit of a cult hit.  Even without that knowledge I knew it was something I had to see again, now armed with years of watching such films and having seen much stranger and not expecting a straight narrative from Soavi's movies or, in fact, many Italian horror films.  Things often just happen because they look good on screen, and not because they fit into the plot.  With that in mind it was finally time to delve back into this movie after 30 years.

Francesco Dellamorte (Rupert Everett) and his mute assistant Gnaghi (François Hadji-Lazaro) take care of an old cemetery in the town of Buffaloro.  By take care, they bury the bodies, kill them again when the rise and put them back for their final rest.  Despite the extra work Francesco likes his job as it gives him a place to live and caters to his solitary nature.  That changes when he meets the widow (Anna Falchi) of a man that has just died and, despite her better judgment, she falls for him.  Unfortunately, her dead husband shows up and puts an end to her and their affair. 

Francesco tries to carry on, but his routine is again broken by a bus accident that results in a boy scout troop, a gang of bikers and the mayor's daughter (Fabiana Formica) being interred and, as usual, having to be put down once again.  One of the "returners" is the woman Francesco loves, whom he thought was already dead.  Even stranger, she returns again in new forms, but alive.  On top of that he begins to want to take out the living as well as the dead, finally plotting with Gnaghi to leave the whole thing behind one way or another. 

Cemetery Man is based on a book by Tiziano Sclavi called Dylan Dog, and later the movie version of Francesco was incorporated in comics based on the book.  I don't know if the book is as disjointed as the movie, but supposedly Soavi and Everett got the character right.  What I appreciated was a lot of subtle humor, such as Dellamorte complaining about how "the weather's gone bad" when he comes out and it's a bright, sunny day or occasional asides alluding to what he has to do to keep the town safe.  There is some outright slapstick in the form of the clueless Marshall Straniero (Mickey Knox), a local police officer who goes to every effort to deny that Dellamorte is responsible for crimes he is literally confessing to. 

Needless to say being more prepared for what the movie is makes it so much better.  If I had been more versed in Italian horror I would have expected that there would be the Grim Reaper showing up to do pep talks, Gnaghi romancing a reanimated head he keeps in a TV and the strange, out-of-nowhere ending that, upon a second watching, doesn't seem so out of place, although it is still quite baffling. 

That doesn't mean the movie isn't without its issues.  It goes on too long.  The ending leaves audiences shocked, the hospital scenes are hilarious, but there are stretches where the film meanders along without much new to add to what's already been seen.  It needed about 15 minutes cut out of it, and most of that would have been repetitive scenes.  It also feels like a television movie at times despite the nudity and the violence, with many times scenes ending with hard cuts as if it would have been a point where they went to commercial.

It is hard for me to say if I like this or The Church better.  Maybe the latter because, even though it's a narrative mess as well, it's more traditional horror, while Cemetery Man is meant to be a comedy from the beginning.  I'm glad it has endured, however, as it is fun to watch people approach it much in the same way I did when I was new to a lot of foreign cinema.  

Cemetery Man (1994)

Time: 103 minutes

Starring: Rupert Everett, François Hadji-Lazaro, Diana Falchi

Director: Michele Soavi